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This is definitely a different kind of writing from my own, but I want to read the piece on its own terms. I didn't find it too hard to follow, even with the lack of caps and periods. I just have a few suggestions below.

I am frozen
a mineral
a fear tumor

--- I didn't care for "fear tumor" but I'm sure that's just a personal preference. I'll think about it.

my mind seeping snippets of Johnny Cash
and her curled against the wall
who will consume me

--- The referent of "who" in the above line isn't clear. If it's "her," the line should probably be something like:

and she, who will consume me
curled against the wall


little boy in the
onion grass

--- I'm assuming the "I" in the poem is this little boy in the onion grass, or is like a little boy in the onion grass.

I drift into fortune and
persuaded by hail storms
I need to know only the silence between
nuggets of ice

--- Hailstorm is one word.

rooms are motionless, hazy
build me an alter
of cardinals and wet grass
open fields, a dog in the crest of a wave
I am a sparrow without white
only dried mud
my bearings at the foot of the cross

hear my gait
my stripped, bare mind

--- It's a little awkward to ask us to "hear my gait" when we've just been told "I am a sparrow."


Thanks for posting. Be read our guidelines and be sure to comment on 3 poems for each one you post. Thanks. Feel free to stop in at The Starfish Lounge and introduce yourself.

Toni