http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/topic/2643/t/Small-atrocity.html en-us Copyright 2006, Yuku feeds@yuku.com (FeedMaster) webmaster@yuku.com (WebMaster) Sun, 28 Jun 2009 09:43:02 GMT Mon, 20 Jul 2009 00:47:25 GMT Yuku Feeds 1.0 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss 60 http://static.yuku.com//feed/bypass/images/button-yuku.png http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/topic/2643/t/Small-atrocity.html Yuku - free hosted forums and profiles 88 31 {pics-1.1 "http://www.icra.org/ratingsv02.html" l gen true for "http://yuku.com" r (nz 1 vz 1 lz 1 oz 1 cz 1 ) "http://www.rsac.org/ratingsv01.html" l gen true for "http://yuku.com" r (n 0 s 0 v 0 l 0 )) Search Domain q http://yuku.com/search/direct/ http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/reply/10959/t/Small-atrocity.html#reply-10959 A shorter version would be more effective no doubt ,but the reader would miss out on so much more which is in the poem.
I have a poem with a similar theme,but nothing as vivid as this.
Sivakami ]]> feeds@yuku.com (Siva Ramanathan) http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/sreply/10959 Mon, 20 Jul 2009 00:47:25 GMT http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/reply/10958/t/Small-atrocity.html#reply-10958
I know the feeling. I look forward to the revision, though, anyway.

--Judy
]]> feeds@yuku.com (judyswann) http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/sreply/10958 Sun, 19 Jul 2009 09:03:42 GMT http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/reply/10927/t/Small-atrocity.html#reply-10927 I've done some work on this, but I think I need to set it aside for a while. I picked some other poems for the contest. This is one of those pieces that seemed really great to me, but now I have lost its voice and rhythm. I don't think I've improved it much with revision

]]> feeds@yuku.com (Judy ) http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/sreply/10927 Sat, 04 Jul 2009 08:46:32 GMT http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/reply/10926/t/Small-atrocity.html#reply-10926
Would love to see the final version!

Toni ]]> feeds@yuku.com (toniclark) http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/sreply/10926 Sat, 04 Jul 2009 03:18:42 GMT http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/reply/10915/t/Small-atrocity.html#reply-10915 I love the repeated use of "slits"-very effective!
I would like to see it slimmed down a bit.
Mar ]]> feeds@yuku.com (rosered17) http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/sreply/10915 Thu, 02 Jul 2009 13:00:53 GMT http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/reply/10905/t/Small-atrocity.html#reply-10905
This poem really stayed with me, but it's just too long (for me, in my opinion). I would cut it way back:

the woods, snow cleared,
softened, the brown
sun slits
she wore thick soled boots,
through the thicket
something hanging in the tree,
a winter jacket
maybe,
no, a rope around a white throat,
a halo of flies
and a belly,
slit and spilled,
a goat
hooves still black
with the earth,

I... ]]> feeds@yuku.com (judyswann) http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/sreply/10905 Wed, 01 Jul 2009 11:28:02 GMT http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/reply/10901/t/Small-atrocity.html#reply-10901 feeds@yuku.com (gretasue2008) http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/sreply/10901 Tue, 30 Jun 2009 07:47:41 GMT http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/reply/10900/t/Small-atrocity.html#reply-10900
Judy
]]> feeds@yuku.com (Judy ) http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/sreply/10900 Tue, 30 Jun 2009 06:33:06 GMT http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/reply/10899/t/Small-atrocity.html#reply-10899 feeds@yuku.com (toniclark) http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/sreply/10899 Tue, 30 Jun 2009 06:21:52 GMT http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/reply/10898/t/Small-atrocity.html#reply-10898
Judy
]]> feeds@yuku.com (Judy ) http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/sreply/10898 Tue, 30 Jun 2009 05:07:18 GMT http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/reply/10895/t/Small-atrocity.html#reply-10895
She entered the woods, snow cleared,
softened, brown at last finding a new hue,
sun slits scattered along the path. Her feet
wore thick soled boots, though
there was no real need, tendrils of winter
settled too deep, too thick in... ]]> feeds@yuku.com (gretasue2008) http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/sreply/10895 Mon, 29 Jun 2009 18:57:57 GMT http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/topic/2643/t/Small-atrocity.html I'm trying to polish this poem up for a local poetry contest. Needs to be postmarked July 3rd, so I'd appreciate any comments.

She entered the woods, now snow cleared,
softened, the brown finally finding a new hue,
sun slits scattered along the path. On her feet
she wore thick soled boots, though
she had no need, tendrils of winter lay
settled too deep, too thick... ]]> feeds@yuku.com (Judy ) http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/topic/2643 Sun, 28 Jun 2009 09:43:02 GMT