http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/topic/2587/t/Night.html en-us Copyright 2006, Yuku feeds@yuku.com (FeedMaster) webmaster@yuku.com (WebMaster) Mon, 25 May 2009 10:02:48 GMT Sun, 28 Jun 2009 09:20:55 GMT Yuku Feeds 1.0 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss 60 http://static.yuku.com//feed/bypass/images/button-yuku.png http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/topic/2587/t/Night.html Yuku - free hosted forums and profiles 88 31 {pics-1.1 "http://www.icra.org/ratingsv02.html" l gen true for "http://yuku.com" r (nz 1 vz 1 lz 1 oz 1 cz 1 ) "http://www.rsac.org/ratingsv01.html" l gen true for "http://yuku.com" r (n 0 s 0 v 0 l 0 )) Search Domain q http://yuku.com/search/direct/ http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/reply/10889/t/Night.html#reply-10889
This is indeed a lovely poem! I think you have gotten your meaning across well in a beautiful way. I especially enjoyed the section mar quotes. The only weakness I could see is the very last line. Somehow I wanted it to be more poetic, less straight forward.

Judy
]]> feeds@yuku.com (Judy ) http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/sreply/10889 Sun, 28 Jun 2009 09:20:54 GMT http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/reply/10884/t/Night.html#reply-10884 I visualize the form before I start putting in the words.It is true.So I will never be able to change the form.I make the skeleton form and fill it with words.I am ashamed to tell you this.
The reason I did not reply is I did not want to push up this poem.Thanks.The task you have set me will be more difficult than mathematics.
Sivakami ]]> feeds@yuku.com (Siva Ramanathan) http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/sreply/10884 Fri, 26 Jun 2009 09:27:09 GMT http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/reply/10883/t/Night.html#reply-10883 I visualize the form before I start putting in the words.It is true.So I will never be able to change the form.I make the skeleton form and fill it with words.I am ashamed to tell you this.
The reason I did not reply is I did not want to push up this poem.Thanks.The task you have set me will be more difficult than mathematics.
Sivakami ]]> feeds@yuku.com (Siva Ramanathan) http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/sreply/10883 Fri, 26 Jun 2009 09:25:48 GMT http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/reply/10786/t/Night.html#reply-10786 May I suggest three lines, or four line stanzas?
I kind of liked Buddha. I think sometimes a poem
needs a surprise. ]]> feeds@yuku.com (casskc) http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/sreply/10786 Fri, 12 Jun 2009 12:12:53 GMT http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/reply/10773/t/Night.html#reply-10773 I do wish I could condense it.It has to be edited.With Toni's suggestions I fixed the grammar.When the mind is weak it is susceptible to outside influences.A strong mind is not open to vacillation.This is what I wanted to bring out in the poem.
Thank you.
Sivakami
]]> feeds@yuku.com (Siva Ramanathan) http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/sreply/10773 Fri, 05 Jun 2009 09:09:00 GMT http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/reply/10765/t/Night.html#reply-10765
I especially enjoyed-


'Come come,' she heard, as if
an inner walk-man urged her forward
and the yekshis carried auspicious trays for her
paddy grains and tender coconut flowers,
lit lamps and zari and she followed them blindly
because her mind was weak.

mar ]]> feeds@yuku.com (rosered17) http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/sreply/10765 Wed, 03 Jun 2009 14:50:10 GMT http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/reply/10759/t/Night.html#reply-10759
Toni ]]> feeds@yuku.com (toniclark) http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/sreply/10759 Mon, 01 Jun 2009 09:17:33 GMT http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/reply/10758/t/Night.html#reply-10758 The one about the Buddha walking,it doesn't fit in really.What do you think?
Sivakami ]]> feeds@yuku.com (Siva Ramanathan) http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/sreply/10758 Mon, 01 Jun 2009 06:20:16 GMT http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/reply/10756/t/Night.html#reply-10756
Has this one been published? I think you should definitely send it somewhere if you are interested in publishing in a journal.

In stanza2, line 3, I think "was" should be "were." It's the conditional.

--- as if it were school... ]]> feeds@yuku.com (toniclark) http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/sreply/10756 Mon, 01 Jun 2009 05:47:17 GMT http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/topic/2587/t/Night.html
The girl who walked in her sleep
the girl caught in a dream
the girl who didn't know reality from fiction
the girl who threw off her bedspread
the brain chords clicked,
the message traveled down the spine
the feet uncurled and felt the floor.

She put foot after foot on concrete,
then on the mud road
as if it were school time
but where was her school bag?

Sometimes we walk
not knowing our... ]]> feeds@yuku.com (Siva Ramanathan) http://thewaters35527.yuku.com/topic/2587 Mon, 25 May 2009 10:02:48 GMT